


happy.

by bbnokrying



Series: bbs stuff. [10]
Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Fluff, Happy, but maybe it can be read as such ??, happiness, i dont think theres angst, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 00:54:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20267359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbnokrying/pseuds/bbnokrying
Summary: delirious knows happiness. he knows it like he knows toonzs cat, like he knows how to clean a pool, like he knows the marks on his carpet where hes dropped coffee once or twice.





	happy.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading and i hope you enjoy  
leave a comment, tell me what you think?

delirious knows happiness. he knows it like he knows toonzs cat, like he knows how to clean a pool, like he knows the marks on his carpet where hes dropped coffee once or twice. its an acquaintance. it exists and thrives just outside his touch, holding a two step radius around him. its there, and it exists, and sometimes you see it around. and he knows that if he stands in place, back straight, shoulders square, and reaches out to it, he can feel the warmth radiating from it on the tips of his fingers.

so happiness is an acquaintance. it comes and it goes, and delirious knows like he knows anything else that he has no right to force it to stay, to grab it and pull it back when its unwilling and dimming from its time of use. its tempting, of course it is, to try and lock it in place, to close the door on it to keep it from leaving. to try and talk to it and convince it to stay. its easy to fall into it and get caught up in the warmth, to forget exactly the reason its there, or the joy that comes with it when its seen at all.

and delirious knows it.

because happiness means joy, and things that bring joy are easily associated with it. exhilaration, grins, out of breath moments coupled with quick movements that easily can double down to bring things to an overloaded head. seeing it around a lot makes it easy to associate it with things that are often around.

delirious associates happiness with guns. with the smell of gunpowder and burning rubber, with the feeling of the heavy belt tight around his hips that carry the weight of a gun, some ammo, and a knife. the buzzing in his ear from his earpiece, the never slow moving pace that comes with attacking and taking something down. the quick movements remind him of moments in his room where hes too excited to do anything but wave his arms around and bounce on his feet around the halls of the building.

[more associations come in the form of pretty knives, his friend cartoonz, his chats with vanoss, the statues littered around his house, the heavy feeling of a gun in his hand, the feeling of the stone around the pool on his feet on a warm day, a good cup of coffee, a soft blanket, and teddy bears.]

happiness infects things it shouldnt be in, and that goes for when hes in the middle of a mission, when hes supposed to be being serious. serious, like hes told to be often enough, over and over. but how can he help it when its carved into his bones and riddled into his every action to be the pure opposite? how can he not let a grin take over, to let a giggle past his lips, and keep a hand constantly shaking by his side when he moves along and does what he feels hes born to do?

in those moments, happiness is an acquaintance hes speaking to. one that rides on his chest and back, surrounding him in warm energy that delirious has no power to try and contain. its too much. its too loud there, trapped in his stomach and chest, behind gritted teeth and behind skin. happiness is used as it comes, expelled through quick shows of movement. its there and then its gone when it decides to drift off.

it often drifts off when hes stopped moving.

when things have stopped, when its slowed down and hes got nothing to associate with it left. when the smell of the gunpowder is gone, when the knifes weight is lost on his hip, when the ammo is used up and has left an open patch on his belt, when the gun in his hand is used and feels lighter with the knowledge theres no reason to keep it in hand anymore. when the makeup he slapped on has been smeared on his face, when his mask is put aside to be dealt with the next time he goes out.

happiness is an acquaintance.

sometimes it doesnt show. sometimes it stays away, even when movements are quick. acquaintances cant be relied on constantly, and delirious can safely say that he can be in the middle of something that could make anyone happy and the feeling wont show. he can be in the middle of knocking someone to the floor and putting a bullet in their head and that feeling of pure excitement wont run through his veins. its weird, to both him and others, seeing him serious and almost unmoving after seeing the successful end of a mission.

but he doesnt feel awkward, or out of place. he doesnt feel like hes done something to keep it away. he just exists, and happiness is busy being an acquaintance elsewhere. so he moves on, because he cant be caught up on a mere acquaintance. because acquaintances arent meant to always be around, so he cant expect it to be. its disappointing when it doesnt show, sure, but he cant help but feel anything but level and fine sometimes about not having it within reach.

sometimes he wants it around when it isnt, and Then it hurts, it makes him choke on what he doesnt want; sadness, anger, resentment, numbness.

but happiness always pokes its head in sometimes, even in those moments.

luke coming to check on him. a cat laying on his chest and staring at him, purring and letting him gently run his fingers through her fur. the feeling of soft grass under his feet as he stands outside with luke, talking to him as he cooks something. the feeling of the suns warmth on his skin as he floats in his pool, letting cool water fill his ears as he stares at the blue sky. before a certain friend decides to run and fly into the pool next to him, making him sink and flail until he can feel the other person and pull them under with him, grinning even under the water as they wrestle. during late night calls with friends who are elsewhere in the world. when hes talking and someone laughs at his joke. when he laughs at a joke. when he wakes up and opens his eyes, feeling whole and content even though the sun is shining in his eyes.

happiness doesnt leave completely, either.

ever.

its always keeping tabs on delirious. maybe itll misplace him, forget where the 'last seen' date had gone in their large book of people, but it never deserts him completely. it remembers, but it just cant find him. delirious is a person, and he moves around quickly sometimes before happiness can pinpoint exactly where he is.

so, its an acquaintance. it shows up late, it shows up early, it shows up on time, and sometimes, delirious has found, it doesnt show at all.

so delirious breathes in, and can only allow himself to wait until happiness has found his moving figure. he can feel it peek in sometimes, if he thinks its been absent for awhile, and he knows its looking through a list of names. he imagines it to be like when youre panicking and searching for something too fast. happiness glosses over his name sometimes, but itll eventually find him, and delirious is patient to wait.

because when it surrounds him again, when he feels the warm energy on his skin, in his hands, he grins and moves as he always does when hes just fucking ready to tear some shit up, loud laughter and veins full of pure, unadulterated euphoria.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @ dambbrother


End file.
